The Lone Apple

I have come to realize lately that I am a bit on the awkward side. Well, I'm kind of lying there. I have always been awkward. I feel a good way to explain it, is that I am the lone apple in a room full of oranges. I just don't fit in. I have always felt that anytime i speak, people just don't care to hear me. It is like anything that comes out of mouth is just ignored. Then, i also feel that if I want to be noticed, I have to be the one to start conversations with people (but once I do, I cycle back to feeling ignored, so I shut down). It is a bit frustrating to feel as if everyone is better than me and they know it. This is especially frustrating because of my size. I am not a skinny girl, so my self esteem is in the toilet. Plus, add to it that I have always been more shy than outgoing. I am just...awkward.
Its recently apparent that my awkwardness is transferring to my job. I was pulled aside one day and was told that "maybe it is because you are shy or something, but you are coming across as not friendly or approachable." I find this extremely odd, as I talk to everyone...every day. I feel like my desk is a rotating door of people bombarding me with questions on how to do things. How can i be unapproachable if I am the one with all the answers lately? It baffling. So, needless to say, I was surprised to hear that. BUT we had an office outing this past Friday and it became obvious to me (and my husband) that people at work have no interest in being around me. I talked to a couple people, but when it came down to picking seats, the only person that would have anything to do with me was my husband! Only one person sat with us, but that was because she had nowhere else to go.
I don't know why, but I was kind of hurt by that.
Another instance was Friday afternoon while I was taking a break outside. Someone came up to me and told me I was so quiet. She asked me if I was just really focused on doing my job. Well, yes. I am there to do a job. I don't like to be interrupted , but I deal.
I just don't know. I know that certain people like to run their mouth and have turned opinions against me for no reason, but I am seriously to my breaking point with the drama in the office.
How do I deal with conquering the awkwardness? I have always felt this way. It has been a lifelong feeling. I feel tortured by it. How do I fix it?

Room For Happiness

It's been a long time. Just been finding my way in the world the past couple months.  It's been an interesting road so far.  I find so many things in my life changed...and for the better.  I just find it hard to take a few minutes for myself to collect my thoughts...and even harder to get them written down.  Hence my lack of blogging.  I'll update though:

Back in April, I FINALLY managed to obtain full time employment and it's been a blessing in so many ways. It has allowed me to get some much needed time away from my apartment, make a decent income for having never worked in the field before, but, most importantly, has allowed my dear husband to get some much needed time for himself.  He's happier for it and it makes me so happy to finally see him happy and in his element.  He's training for a half Iron Man that is going down on his birthday.  He's beside himself with excitement...so much so, I can't go a day without him talking about it.  He's like a little kid.  It's cute.

So, needless to say, I am happy in many ways.  The only down side is the amount of time I spend traveling to and from work.  Granted, it is a sacrifice I have to make right now until we can move closer to work.  I honestly don't mind.  It's my music time, which we all know, I can NOT survive without.

We've both been in a great place mentally.  We've been employing a positive way of thinking and putting out happy/positive vibes into our atmosphere.  In turn, things have been peaceful, and I am simply content with everything.  We are beyond all the negative things that have gone down in the past and it feels good to finally feel some forward movement.

Aside from this, I am just seeking a balance to work life, and taking back my personal time.  It's hard to be motivated to spend what little free time I have on things like cleaning house and working out.  It's been almost 4 months and I have completely failed to stay on task as far as my workouts go and it's taking a toll.  All my hard work has been reversed and it's starting to get to me.  Gotta set fire to the motivation factor again.  No complaints...just gotta take charge again.

I wish this could be longer and I could write about all the crazy things going on in my head, but honestly, I have nothing.  For the first time in awhile, I don't really have anything to really complain about.  Just taking things day by day and living life.  It's amazing how much can change in the few months between blogs.  Hopefully next entry won't be so far away and I'll have exciting things to report.

I will leave you with the song that inspired the blog.  Enjoy!

HA!

It must be said...
Deleting someone off Facebook does NOT equal deleting them from your life.  What that is...is immature behavior.  When you cause your own drama then want to blame it on someone else because its convenient for you, that's your own damn fault.  Don't bother talking to anyone and acting like the spoiled little brat that you are...that's your own...damn...fault.  Think whatever you want, but know that I don't plan on wasting 2 more seconds of my time past this even thinking about it or you for that matter.
So short and sweet....Cya...wouldn't wanna be ya...

Updates

SO, I found out yesterday I got a little job with Hallmark.  YAY for that!  This go round I'm actually working FOR Hallmark and not just AT one.  Merchandising...fun!  LOL I'm so tired of being unemployed and feeling useless.  It's only going to be about 10 hours a week, but some job is better than no job.  Maybe after I have started and more locations become available I can volunteer for them to fill my schedule.  Who knows?
OH, Biggest Loser started back up last night and I'm so excited about that! LOVE that show :)
Also, I plan on starting P90X again (after a LONG hiatus) on the 2nd.  Trying to get things I need to prepare, but am taking it pretty seriously now I have a small group of people who are my support group.  Hope this is the start of something awesome.  I plan on updating my progress on here too with the possibility of weekly video updates like I originally planned to do.  Who knows?
Anyway...small update...feeling a lot better after the past 2 days of my body freaking out. (HELLO ANXIETY....I dunno why you've come to visit, but I plan on kicking your ass out soon).
Stay tuned!

Girlie Talk...Beware!

7 months is far too long to go without a new blog entry!  What have I been thinking?!  Maybe I just haven't found the right source of inspiration.  I haven't been moved to the point of needing to express myself via written avenues.  BUT!  I told my friend Liz I needed to write so here it is. :)

Is it appropriate to write about how much I hate my cycle(of course it is dummy...it's YOUR blog after all).  Seriously. I hate my time of month.  It's just so damn uncomfortable and icky and just bleh.  And mine is just all sorts of bad.  I get the heavy days, the bloating, and the cramping....ugh!  The cramping is the w-o-r-s-t! My surefire way of assuaging the pain that comes with my cycle is normally a couple of Excedrin Migraine (a divine combo of acetaminophen and caffeine).  WELL, guess who recently (well since right after I wrote my last blog at least)has developed an allergic reaction to caffeine? *points to self* SO, any time I have caffeine now it does a combination of at least two of three things:
1.)Heart rate off the charts
2.)Lips puff up bigger than Angelina Jolie's
3.)Right Cheek goes numb
NOW, normally its #1 paired with 2 or 3...here lately I've had more the cheek than the lips. So, to add insult to injury, I can no longer take my "go to" pain reliever because it causes other problems entirely.  I have gotten to the point where the pain was so unbearable that I just had to suck it up and take the Excedrin, but that is usually chased with a Zyrtec pill to even out the allergic reaction, but damn.  I suppose its a good thing to have happened since I was trying to ween myself off of caffeine anyway, but geez!  I'd like to be able to have it when I need it, but apparently my body says NO!  Wish it would do that when it got hungry instead of craving shit that is no good for me.  LOL
Honestly I must have had this allergy for years, because I was breaking out in hives for awhile.  I figured it was brought on by stress, but ever since I stopped having caffeinated drinks (soda/coffee) I don't have the hives anymore either.  Thank god for that!  I only really miss the caffeine when I'm in pain...so...I'll live I suppose.
So it's short, but it was a mini rant cuz it's day 2 and I'm kinda in pain...BUT I've got a lot done today trying to ignore the pain since I can't take anything for it.
-Emissions Test - DONE
-Pay for Tags on the cars - DONE
-Buy new battery for the Corvette and get it started- DONE
-Take hubby out for lunch - DONE
-Write a blog to distract myself - DONE
-File my coupons so I can go out later to restock my stockpile closet - Next on the list :)
SIGH....thats it for now!
I hope you all out there (ladies especially if you are on the rag like me...ugh) have a lovely weekend!

Would it be more amazing..

This morning I was listening to one of the local morning shows.  They take a trip every year with special needs children to Disney World.  It really is a great thing.  They were talking about how amazing it is to see how giving people were, donating time, items etc with no expectation of remuneration.  That got me thinking...
If we all, as human beings, were so generous all the time, would people notice how amazing it is to be giving?  Seriously?  Would they?  Generosity would just fade into the background as every day life and would cease to be amazing.  Then, what would we have to do to be considered amazing?  It really baffles my mind that people can not be of a generous nature all the time.  Why does it take a sick child talking about going to Disney World for people's hearts to melt and want to give give give?  There are sick children, sick adults, sick elderly every day that could use the generosity of someone's time even.  Do we care to take time out of our busy day to take a toy to a child at the children's hospital?  To take a meal to a sick adult's family?  To take time to visit a nursing home and be there for an elderly person who may not have anyone?  I know there are some people out there that do these things.  Probably a good deal of people.  What I want to know is why...why is it more accepted for people to be ignorant and self serving?  It breaks my heart to think about it.
It's times like these that remind me why I have a weakness to donating...even to the people holding the buckets in front of the grocery store or Walmart.  It's extremely difficult for me to tell someone no and I usually will come out with some money after the fact (even if it is the little bit of change in my pocket) on my way out.  It's not to ease my conscience, but because it's the right thing to do.  Would someone stop and look, saying it amazing I gave them money?  Most likely not, but I know somewhere, someone is going to benefit from it.
Take time out of your busy schedules and pay it forward.  Do something "amazing" today!

(EDIT: I just realized the past two blogs were started by something I heard on the same morning show...I suppose I enjoy what they have to say because it's caused me to think and to write twice now...:) )

Not So Reading Disorder

I was driving into work today and the morning show I was listening to on the radio was talking about the possibility that one of the people on the show might have some sort of reading disorder and it got me thinking. What was weird about hearing this conversation this morning was that it jogged a memory from childhood that I hadn't really thought about in a while.

I'd like to first say I know I don't have a reading disorder.  I have mountains of books.  I'd rather read than watch TV and I always love to read a book if I know about it before going to see the movie.  AND I am a very fast reader!  I wonder if the problems I used to have happened because I read so fast?

The memory I recalled was when I was in middle school.  I don't know how the public school's go about vocabulary and testing now, but I specifically remember a history book that had King Tut's Golden Mask on the cover.  Each chapter had a mini test at the end with questions and a vocab/definitions etc.  I recall always having a problem locating the vocab words to define them (these books had glossaries for words in BOLD, but the vocab on the mini chapter tests weren't bold words).

When I read, I tend to quickly glance over the paragraphs and get the general idea by picking out key things in the paragraphs.  I don't always read every sentence and when I was younger I used to skip several paragraphs entirely.  When I was in school and had these problems was for the same reason; skimming.  I didn't do it intentionally.  I just couldn't focus my attention on all information at once.  I suppose you could say I was in a hurry when I would read.  I want to always know what comes next and I'm impatient.  I want the good stuff as soon as I can get it.

I just think it's weird I never really thought about it and realized that is what I did until I heard this girl on the radio talking about how she can't focus on the words past a couple sentences.  That the white of the paper would be blinding and the words would dance.  She also said she had an easier time reading novels when they were graphic novels.  I don't know why I don't read paragraphs whole.  It's bizarre.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but it was on my brain so I wanted to jot it down.

Like...The Car?

When I first heard this song....I pretty much was like...WAH?? Are they talking about the car?  What is this?  What the heck is slizzard? WTF?

Then it grew on me...and I don't know why I like it.

Now I'm just dreaming up sipping on Captain and coke and boogie-ing it up with Cheri like the good ol days.  And that makes me sad.  :( Boo.  This would totally be our jam if we could go dancing again.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

This song is for you picky ass lady that just came in the caffe.

So I'm venting for a second.

I HATE...HATE HATE HATE when people come in and scowl at the desserts.  What is god's name are you coming in here to get if you are going to scowl at everything in the case and make a face every time you ask what something is?  Here's how this just went down:

Lady enters
Me: Good Morning! *smiles
Lady: HI!  *points at stands on top of case* What are these?
Me: *Points at each* These are scones.  This one is Lemon Blueberry and this one is Maple Pecan.
Lady makes ugly face at second listing of scones and says: EW NO...I'll have the Lemon Blueberry
Me: OK *goes to package up the scone
Lady: What is this in the bowls on the bottom?
Me: Banana Pudding
Lady: EW! That's even worse!
Me = starting to get annoyed but rings her up
Lady points to another thing in case and says: What is this?
Me: Peanut Butter Brownie
Lady breathes out annoyed and says: UGH no...I don't like that either
Me: oh
Lady: The cheesecakes look good but EVERYTHING else is just not my thing
(MIND YOU...we have an assortment of things in there...I'd say its probably something for everyone, cupcakes, brownies, cheesecake, bars, etc etc etc)
Me: Would you like me to warm up the scone a little for you?
Lady gives me disgusted weird look and says : I suppose
Me *goes to warm up scone, returns and hands it to her.
Lady: THANKS! *smiles and walks out
Me once she's gone: WTF!

OK.  Now maybe it's just me, but I know I wouldn't walk into someone's business and sit there making faces at everything like I am just purely disgusted.  She didn't buy a coffee, so obviously she came in with the intent to get something to eat.  And to sit there and just criticize everything in the case!  Personally, I wouldn't want to offend the business owner/person working, but apparently this lady just didn't care.  I'm hoping she saw the look of shock on my face when she was bitching about everything.
I'm sorry Ma'am that you are a hag and don't like anything (well except the cheesecake, but I'm sure she would have complained about the price had she tried to buy some).  Maybe next time, I'll be sure to hook up my mind reading device and have exactly what you do like ready for you!

People just have no consideration!  I mean, we obviously get the (more often than not) people that look at the desserts and sarcastically proclaim it all looks "terrible" "gross" "so bad," etc etc etc, but we understand that they are just joking around.  You don't come into a place that makes desserts and just be downright Debbie Downer.

So Thank You Lady in the Pink Shirt with too much negative opinion for your own good...You've made my day...and my blog blast!  I dedicate the above song to YOU!

<3 Me

This guy really is bizarre, but the flower made me laugh

HE'S SINGING!!  hahaha

OH silly filmcow.com guys