The Lone Apple

I have come to realize lately that I am a bit on the awkward side. Well, I'm kind of lying there. I have always been awkward. I feel a good way to explain it, is that I am the lone apple in a room full of oranges. I just don't fit in. I have always felt that anytime i speak, people just don't care to hear me. It is like anything that comes out of mouth is just ignored. Then, i also feel that if I want to be noticed, I have to be the one to start conversations with people (but once I do, I cycle back to feeling ignored, so I shut down). It is a bit frustrating to feel as if everyone is better than me and they know it. This is especially frustrating because of my size. I am not a skinny girl, so my self esteem is in the toilet. Plus, add to it that I have always been more shy than outgoing. I am just...awkward.
Its recently apparent that my awkwardness is transferring to my job. I was pulled aside one day and was told that "maybe it is because you are shy or something, but you are coming across as not friendly or approachable." I find this extremely odd, as I talk to everyone...every day. I feel like my desk is a rotating door of people bombarding me with questions on how to do things. How can i be unapproachable if I am the one with all the answers lately? It baffling. So, needless to say, I was surprised to hear that. BUT we had an office outing this past Friday and it became obvious to me (and my husband) that people at work have no interest in being around me. I talked to a couple people, but when it came down to picking seats, the only person that would have anything to do with me was my husband! Only one person sat with us, but that was because she had nowhere else to go.
I don't know why, but I was kind of hurt by that.
Another instance was Friday afternoon while I was taking a break outside. Someone came up to me and told me I was so quiet. She asked me if I was just really focused on doing my job. Well, yes. I am there to do a job. I don't like to be interrupted , but I deal.
I just don't know. I know that certain people like to run their mouth and have turned opinions against me for no reason, but I am seriously to my breaking point with the drama in the office.
How do I deal with conquering the awkwardness? I have always felt this way. It has been a lifelong feeling. I feel tortured by it. How do I fix it?

Room For Happiness

It's been a long time. Just been finding my way in the world the past couple months.  It's been an interesting road so far.  I find so many things in my life changed...and for the better.  I just find it hard to take a few minutes for myself to collect my thoughts...and even harder to get them written down.  Hence my lack of blogging.  I'll update though:

Back in April, I FINALLY managed to obtain full time employment and it's been a blessing in so many ways. It has allowed me to get some much needed time away from my apartment, make a decent income for having never worked in the field before, but, most importantly, has allowed my dear husband to get some much needed time for himself.  He's happier for it and it makes me so happy to finally see him happy and in his element.  He's training for a half Iron Man that is going down on his birthday.  He's beside himself with excitement...so much so, I can't go a day without him talking about it.  He's like a little kid.  It's cute.

So, needless to say, I am happy in many ways.  The only down side is the amount of time I spend traveling to and from work.  Granted, it is a sacrifice I have to make right now until we can move closer to work.  I honestly don't mind.  It's my music time, which we all know, I can NOT survive without.

We've both been in a great place mentally.  We've been employing a positive way of thinking and putting out happy/positive vibes into our atmosphere.  In turn, things have been peaceful, and I am simply content with everything.  We are beyond all the negative things that have gone down in the past and it feels good to finally feel some forward movement.

Aside from this, I am just seeking a balance to work life, and taking back my personal time.  It's hard to be motivated to spend what little free time I have on things like cleaning house and working out.  It's been almost 4 months and I have completely failed to stay on task as far as my workouts go and it's taking a toll.  All my hard work has been reversed and it's starting to get to me.  Gotta set fire to the motivation factor again.  No complaints...just gotta take charge again.

I wish this could be longer and I could write about all the crazy things going on in my head, but honestly, I have nothing.  For the first time in awhile, I don't really have anything to really complain about.  Just taking things day by day and living life.  It's amazing how much can change in the few months between blogs.  Hopefully next entry won't be so far away and I'll have exciting things to report.

I will leave you with the song that inspired the blog.  Enjoy!

HA!

It must be said...
Deleting someone off Facebook does NOT equal deleting them from your life.  What that is...is immature behavior.  When you cause your own drama then want to blame it on someone else because its convenient for you, that's your own damn fault.  Don't bother talking to anyone and acting like the spoiled little brat that you are...that's your own...damn...fault.  Think whatever you want, but know that I don't plan on wasting 2 more seconds of my time past this even thinking about it or you for that matter.
So short and sweet....Cya...wouldn't wanna be ya...

Updates

SO, I found out yesterday I got a little job with Hallmark.  YAY for that!  This go round I'm actually working FOR Hallmark and not just AT one.  Merchandising...fun!  LOL I'm so tired of being unemployed and feeling useless.  It's only going to be about 10 hours a week, but some job is better than no job.  Maybe after I have started and more locations become available I can volunteer for them to fill my schedule.  Who knows?
OH, Biggest Loser started back up last night and I'm so excited about that! LOVE that show :)
Also, I plan on starting P90X again (after a LONG hiatus) on the 2nd.  Trying to get things I need to prepare, but am taking it pretty seriously now I have a small group of people who are my support group.  Hope this is the start of something awesome.  I plan on updating my progress on here too with the possibility of weekly video updates like I originally planned to do.  Who knows?
Anyway...small update...feeling a lot better after the past 2 days of my body freaking out. (HELLO ANXIETY....I dunno why you've come to visit, but I plan on kicking your ass out soon).
Stay tuned!

Girlie Talk...Beware!

7 months is far too long to go without a new blog entry!  What have I been thinking?!  Maybe I just haven't found the right source of inspiration.  I haven't been moved to the point of needing to express myself via written avenues.  BUT!  I told my friend Liz I needed to write so here it is. :)

Is it appropriate to write about how much I hate my cycle(of course it is dummy...it's YOUR blog after all).  Seriously. I hate my time of month.  It's just so damn uncomfortable and icky and just bleh.  And mine is just all sorts of bad.  I get the heavy days, the bloating, and the cramping....ugh!  The cramping is the w-o-r-s-t! My surefire way of assuaging the pain that comes with my cycle is normally a couple of Excedrin Migraine (a divine combo of acetaminophen and caffeine).  WELL, guess who recently (well since right after I wrote my last blog at least)has developed an allergic reaction to caffeine? *points to self* SO, any time I have caffeine now it does a combination of at least two of three things:
1.)Heart rate off the charts
2.)Lips puff up bigger than Angelina Jolie's
3.)Right Cheek goes numb
NOW, normally its #1 paired with 2 or 3...here lately I've had more the cheek than the lips. So, to add insult to injury, I can no longer take my "go to" pain reliever because it causes other problems entirely.  I have gotten to the point where the pain was so unbearable that I just had to suck it up and take the Excedrin, but that is usually chased with a Zyrtec pill to even out the allergic reaction, but damn.  I suppose its a good thing to have happened since I was trying to ween myself off of caffeine anyway, but geez!  I'd like to be able to have it when I need it, but apparently my body says NO!  Wish it would do that when it got hungry instead of craving shit that is no good for me.  LOL
Honestly I must have had this allergy for years, because I was breaking out in hives for awhile.  I figured it was brought on by stress, but ever since I stopped having caffeinated drinks (soda/coffee) I don't have the hives anymore either.  Thank god for that!  I only really miss the caffeine when I'm in pain...so...I'll live I suppose.
So it's short, but it was a mini rant cuz it's day 2 and I'm kinda in pain...BUT I've got a lot done today trying to ignore the pain since I can't take anything for it.
-Emissions Test - DONE
-Pay for Tags on the cars - DONE
-Buy new battery for the Corvette and get it started- DONE
-Take hubby out for lunch - DONE
-Write a blog to distract myself - DONE
-File my coupons so I can go out later to restock my stockpile closet - Next on the list :)
SIGH....thats it for now!
I hope you all out there (ladies especially if you are on the rag like me...ugh) have a lovely weekend!

Would it be more amazing..

This morning I was listening to one of the local morning shows.  They take a trip every year with special needs children to Disney World.  It really is a great thing.  They were talking about how amazing it is to see how giving people were, donating time, items etc with no expectation of remuneration.  That got me thinking...
If we all, as human beings, were so generous all the time, would people notice how amazing it is to be giving?  Seriously?  Would they?  Generosity would just fade into the background as every day life and would cease to be amazing.  Then, what would we have to do to be considered amazing?  It really baffles my mind that people can not be of a generous nature all the time.  Why does it take a sick child talking about going to Disney World for people's hearts to melt and want to give give give?  There are sick children, sick adults, sick elderly every day that could use the generosity of someone's time even.  Do we care to take time out of our busy day to take a toy to a child at the children's hospital?  To take a meal to a sick adult's family?  To take time to visit a nursing home and be there for an elderly person who may not have anyone?  I know there are some people out there that do these things.  Probably a good deal of people.  What I want to know is why...why is it more accepted for people to be ignorant and self serving?  It breaks my heart to think about it.
It's times like these that remind me why I have a weakness to donating...even to the people holding the buckets in front of the grocery store or Walmart.  It's extremely difficult for me to tell someone no and I usually will come out with some money after the fact (even if it is the little bit of change in my pocket) on my way out.  It's not to ease my conscience, but because it's the right thing to do.  Would someone stop and look, saying it amazing I gave them money?  Most likely not, but I know somewhere, someone is going to benefit from it.
Take time out of your busy schedules and pay it forward.  Do something "amazing" today!

(EDIT: I just realized the past two blogs were started by something I heard on the same morning show...I suppose I enjoy what they have to say because it's caused me to think and to write twice now...:) )

Not So Reading Disorder

I was driving into work today and the morning show I was listening to on the radio was talking about the possibility that one of the people on the show might have some sort of reading disorder and it got me thinking. What was weird about hearing this conversation this morning was that it jogged a memory from childhood that I hadn't really thought about in a while.

I'd like to first say I know I don't have a reading disorder.  I have mountains of books.  I'd rather read than watch TV and I always love to read a book if I know about it before going to see the movie.  AND I am a very fast reader!  I wonder if the problems I used to have happened because I read so fast?

The memory I recalled was when I was in middle school.  I don't know how the public school's go about vocabulary and testing now, but I specifically remember a history book that had King Tut's Golden Mask on the cover.  Each chapter had a mini test at the end with questions and a vocab/definitions etc.  I recall always having a problem locating the vocab words to define them (these books had glossaries for words in BOLD, but the vocab on the mini chapter tests weren't bold words).

When I read, I tend to quickly glance over the paragraphs and get the general idea by picking out key things in the paragraphs.  I don't always read every sentence and when I was younger I used to skip several paragraphs entirely.  When I was in school and had these problems was for the same reason; skimming.  I didn't do it intentionally.  I just couldn't focus my attention on all information at once.  I suppose you could say I was in a hurry when I would read.  I want to always know what comes next and I'm impatient.  I want the good stuff as soon as I can get it.

I just think it's weird I never really thought about it and realized that is what I did until I heard this girl on the radio talking about how she can't focus on the words past a couple sentences.  That the white of the paper would be blinding and the words would dance.  She also said she had an easier time reading novels when they were graphic novels.  I don't know why I don't read paragraphs whole.  It's bizarre.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but it was on my brain so I wanted to jot it down.

Like...The Car?

When I first heard this song....I pretty much was like...WAH?? Are they talking about the car?  What is this?  What the heck is slizzard? WTF?

Then it grew on me...and I don't know why I like it.

Now I'm just dreaming up sipping on Captain and coke and boogie-ing it up with Cheri like the good ol days.  And that makes me sad.  :( Boo.  This would totally be our jam if we could go dancing again.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

This song is for you picky ass lady that just came in the caffe.

So I'm venting for a second.

I HATE...HATE HATE HATE when people come in and scowl at the desserts.  What is god's name are you coming in here to get if you are going to scowl at everything in the case and make a face every time you ask what something is?  Here's how this just went down:

Lady enters
Me: Good Morning! *smiles
Lady: HI!  *points at stands on top of case* What are these?
Me: *Points at each* These are scones.  This one is Lemon Blueberry and this one is Maple Pecan.
Lady makes ugly face at second listing of scones and says: EW NO...I'll have the Lemon Blueberry
Me: OK *goes to package up the scone
Lady: What is this in the bowls on the bottom?
Me: Banana Pudding
Lady: EW! That's even worse!
Me = starting to get annoyed but rings her up
Lady points to another thing in case and says: What is this?
Me: Peanut Butter Brownie
Lady breathes out annoyed and says: UGH no...I don't like that either
Me: oh
Lady: The cheesecakes look good but EVERYTHING else is just not my thing
(MIND YOU...we have an assortment of things in there...I'd say its probably something for everyone, cupcakes, brownies, cheesecake, bars, etc etc etc)
Me: Would you like me to warm up the scone a little for you?
Lady gives me disgusted weird look and says : I suppose
Me *goes to warm up scone, returns and hands it to her.
Lady: THANKS! *smiles and walks out
Me once she's gone: WTF!

OK.  Now maybe it's just me, but I know I wouldn't walk into someone's business and sit there making faces at everything like I am just purely disgusted.  She didn't buy a coffee, so obviously she came in with the intent to get something to eat.  And to sit there and just criticize everything in the case!  Personally, I wouldn't want to offend the business owner/person working, but apparently this lady just didn't care.  I'm hoping she saw the look of shock on my face when she was bitching about everything.
I'm sorry Ma'am that you are a hag and don't like anything (well except the cheesecake, but I'm sure she would have complained about the price had she tried to buy some).  Maybe next time, I'll be sure to hook up my mind reading device and have exactly what you do like ready for you!

People just have no consideration!  I mean, we obviously get the (more often than not) people that look at the desserts and sarcastically proclaim it all looks "terrible" "gross" "so bad," etc etc etc, but we understand that they are just joking around.  You don't come into a place that makes desserts and just be downright Debbie Downer.

So Thank You Lady in the Pink Shirt with too much negative opinion for your own good...You've made my day...and my blog blast!  I dedicate the above song to YOU!

<3 Me

This guy really is bizarre, but the flower made me laugh

HE'S SINGING!!  hahaha

OH silly filmcow.com guys

A new TYPED entry

What I hear: Golden Years, David Bowie

And I title it like that because I have been writing a LOT in a journal lately. There is a novelty actually sitting down and physically writing in a journal rather than just typing on an online blog. Granted, no one can read what's on my mind that way, but I seriously doubt anyone would find much interest in what I have to say anyhow.
Another thing about typing this right now is that it's kind of hard to sit here typing this all out on my iPod. And I'm REALLY relying a lot on the auto correction thing to fix my mispelled words. Should be interesting to go back later having to fix all the typos. Haha! I'm using someones open wifi connection. I am grateful for that much at least. I don't have to be completely disconnected from the world when I'm at home!

Something that's been on my mind a lot lately: how much I used to write before I had all these things to do. I have found so many started story ideas and poetry that I just abandoned. I honestly feel like I don't possess the ability to express myself in a creative, written way. I used to LOVE to write when I was younger. In my early 20's (groan...I hate being older) I would write ALL the time! I really should attempt to write something worthwhile soon...instead of just slapping down whatever happens to be on my mind at the moment. I want to write with purpose...so who knows.
Off to bed...to my crazy dreams. Night!

Raise your weapon

What I hear: Raise Your Weapon, Deadmau5



Rippin my heart was so easy, so easy
launch your assault now,
take it easy
Raise your weapon, raise your weapon
One word, and it's over
Ripping through like a missile
Ripping through my heart
Robbed me of this love
Raise your weapon, raise your weapon
and it's over

Curb your ego, you won't feel a thing
always number one
the pen with a bent wrist, crooked king
Sign away our peace for your war
One word and it over
dropping your bombs now,
on all we built
How does it feel now, to watch it
burn, burn, burn?
Raise your weapons, raise your weapons
and it's over

(first Chorus)

How does it feel now to watch it
Burn, burn, burn?

(1st chorus)

(2nd chorus)

**********

I adore this song and it was equally amazing to hear it live. Was the last song that he performed. I love it love it love it! Have to settle for listening to it on YouTube as it hasn't been released yet.

Opinions?

B

Wow I'm tired

I've been a bad blogger.  *smacks own hand
I know I haven't updated in forever.  Not that anyone probably cares.  No one ever comments on my blogs so I am assuming that no one reads them.
Anyway
I've been killing myself at Caffè Stella for the past 3 weeks.  It's been an education thats for sure.  I'm learning how PICKY people can be with their food and even more so with their coffee.  WOW.  AND of course, we've had our share of crazies.  My personal favorite we have nicknamed "28 seconds".  This particular character earned his name after trying to school me on how to make an espresso the RIGHT way.  Well this was probably our first or second day...I had only the minimal training from the previous owner and thought I was doing it the right way, so how would I know that you have to pull the espresso last after you've prepared everything else that goes into a drink.  He also informed me that after 28 seconds (hence the name) the coffee starts to go bitter.
WELL...I got some training and inquired about the 28 second thing and the trainer told me you shouldn't run the water through the grounds longer than 28 seconds or it takes away from it and makes the coffee bitter.  SO yeah "28 Seconds" was kinda right but still...he's kinda full of himself and he's a mixed European...with a pot belly. We think its funny he walks around like he's the grand pooh-bah of Caffè Stella! lol
We also have our nice, normal regulars which we love!
We've learned that there are definitely some weirdos that frequent coffee shops now.  Maybe its because they are hopped up on the caffeine.  Who knows?  haha
Just in case you haven't seen our page on Facebook yet (http://www.facebook.com/caffestella), here are some of our absolutely divine goodies we bake in house. Drool to your hearts content

Turtle Cheesecake 

Lemon cake with Lemon Buttercream icing

Orange Dreamsicle Cupcakes

 Red Velvet Cupcakes

Raspberry Limeade Cake

What's that?  Is that drool all over your keyboard I see?  HAHA!  Yep they look pretty scrumptious huh?  I decorate the cakes and make the cupcakes too (or most of them I have....I do the Red Velvet ones for sure! lol)

I officially have no life now and I live to serve coffee and desserts!  If you live in the Atlanta area, definitely come and check out the cafe!

I'm going to try to blog more lately since I have a computer readily available (its just coordinating my thoughts with the available time I have between customers!)

*waves goodbye and sings "oh my starry eyed surprise, sundown to sunrise..." lol

Later taters!

BranDivah

Caffe Stella

Well, I haven't written in a little while. I went from having absolutely nothing to do every day, to cleaning, organizing and trying to get this cafe in shape for it's inspection so we can open soon.
Yep, Mom bought Caffe Stella this past Thursday. I was in there Friday Saturday and Sunday just cleaning cleaning and more cleaning. What a mess! We had to throw out all the food they left behind. I cleaned out all the storage containers. All the dishes are getting cleaned. The oven, the fridge, the freezer...all clean. I think all I really need to finish is organizing all the clean storage bins and dishes, finish cleaning the oven, sweeping and mopping and it's pretty much ready to go. Fingers crossed.
Mom found out today that she has to have someone come out and give us a report on the cafe's grease trap. We have to call an exterminator as well. This is all required prior to going in and speaking with the planner for someone to come out and inspect. And all the money...yipes. I honestly wish we were a little better off so I could help take care of some things. It's because of that reason I am pretty much just busting my ass trying to do whatever I can to help. I'll be going over there in the AM (hopefully i don't sleep in) and will be getting back to work. Hopefully mom can get done what she needs to get done with the fire marshal and all that tomorrow. HOPEFULLY

So yeah...busy busy busy. This is definitely an experience just trying to get this place open. The thing that is kind of driving me and making me feel like it will be successful is the fact that people are coming by. I had one lady come by and almost rip my arm off because she was so excited the cafe was going to open back up! I've been directing people to check out our fan page on Facebook...here's a link just in case:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Lawrenceville-GA/Caffe-Stella/111166152255422?ref=ts

I really am looking forward to opening. Once all the stressful gov't stuff is over and done with, I think it will be a VERY exciting time in there. Mom and I are both very excited about trying out some new recipes on these people to see what they think!

SO anyway. I'm going to head to bed as it is...3AM....got lots to do tomorrow!

Depressed Whale

I love FilmCow.com....its the most random, stupid stuff ever....

And this is going to be really short because I really have nothing interesting to say.  ENJOY!

Beach goer

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE Tybee Island and the beach?

We're planning to visit Savannah in about a week to participate in the Tybee 5K.  David is going to run it, whereas my fat butt will TRY to walk it as fast as I can.  And once all is said and done...we're going to just spend the whole day at the beach....sigh

I really do love the beach.  I love taking pictures there as well (see above and following).  Which is pretty much why I am writing this blog today.  I'm just so excited to go!  All the pictures I am posting today were all taken on film btw.  I know...how Old Skool right?  The above picture I took a couple years ago of a very large piece of driftwood...

Let's see what else I have...

This is a different piece of driftwood on the opposite side of the island

Jetties on the North Beach

Sand pipers taking flight after I spooked them

The iconic Tybee Light

The pier on a very misty morning

Jetties on South Beach near where we were married

This is everyone's favorite picture.  Tide was really low (you can barely see the water at the end).  I just had an idea to stand under the pier and shoot a "light at the end of the Tunnel" picture...I love it

David actually took this picture but it was my idea....and my hand.  I love it though

And I have TONS of pictures of just adventures to the beach with my sis in law.  We always have a great time.  I'm sure I will have some to add after next weekend!  Hope you enjoy the pictures!

Diva minus the H

I googled myself today.  That's always interesting.  And i must say, that I am definitely one of a kind SN wise.  About 75% of the 204 results google gave me were actually sites/things I use or have used in the past...

Everyone always asks me why I spell my SN the way I do.  Honestly, its so I stand out.  I never have a problem getting the name when I use a new site I have to register for.  It kind of makes me feel good that I thought of something so silly that it actually works for me and that no one else has tried to use it.  That might sound silly to people, but so what?  So if you think its me, it most likely is (that is unless its something that seems out of the ordinary for me....then I don't know what the heck you're looking at! LOL)

It may sound even sillier to people to know that I feel more like myself when I express myself online.  Why I can't act in RL the way I do when I roam the web is beyond me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not introverted in the least.  I used to be when I was younger, but you grow out of that.  I feel like I can freely say the things I want to say without worrying what people are going to think of me, because honestly, 98% of the people I talk to online...don't even know me for real..  Some of them, I wish I did know in RL, because I have met some really interesting and amazing people.  Lots of whom I truly care for.  I love my good friends and I mean that.

Anyway.  I just hadn't updated in a few days and just found that google thing slightly amusing.  Google your own SN and see how unique you really are ;)

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Everyone!

David's been hard at work on his Corvette trying to get it fixed up!  I've been playing on the computer mostly, but just made some Magic Cookie Bars that smell amazing and am going to TRY to resist the temptation to nom on them.  They are currently cooling and we don't have to leave for another hour at least, so....I might chuck em in the fridge to get them to cool faster.  Am pretty much just using today as an excuse to practice something.  I need to.......

HOLY CRAP!  There's a bumblebee in my apartment! EEEEEEEEEEK

*runs off to coral the bee out of the apartment with a broom

That was the dumbest insect.  Just kept flying into a corner behind my TV and then every time I would get it out of the corner it would fly at me then turn around and go back in the corner.  After about 10 minutes I finally got him out of the house.  That is the second large insect I have had to deal with this week.  It was a wasp on Monday.  Thankfully that one just kind of clung to my broom and i just tossed it outside.  I think they might be getting in through my fireplace somehow because they certainly aren't following us through the door. UGH...I'd complain to management, but they won't do a damn thing anyway.  BAH!

Anyhow, as I was saying.  Magic Cookie Bars...they're cooling.  I wanted to practice them because Mom has them on her list of things she wants to make for the cafe if she manages to get it.  She also insinuated that I would be the one to go get the food handler's certified....yipee...lol.  I just hope she goes through with it instead of letting someone take away her desire to do it. *Glare

As of right now, we're waiting.  Hopefully can start moving forward tomorrow ;)  It's all her and I can only let her know my piece so much.  Since I never got a call back for that job I interviewed for, I'm pretty much banking on this right now.

(Have I mentioned how yummy it smells in here? lol)

So anyhow.  I am taking these delightfully yummy smelling  treats to my cousin's house for dinner this afternoon.  So I might have to sneak a TEENY TINY bite of one just to make sure they are ok... ;)

Again, Hope everyone has a Happy Easter!

♥ ME

I'm feeling guilty/Customer DIS-Service

First off...how could you not love that face?

So, I have to just confess this and get it off my heart.  I hit my kitty out of anger tonight.  NOW NOW...I didn't beat her...it wasn't like anyone needs to call animal services or anything.  She's just a stubborn ass and keeps peeing on the floor instead of the litter box.  Granted, it was on the linoleum so I was able to clean it up easy, but what pissed me off was that I almost stepped in it and it just made the room smell.  This isn't something new and normally I'll just get annoyed and clean it up.  Tonight though, I got so pissed, I dropped my grocery bags on the floor, went over, picked up the cat and took her and stuck her nose in it (yes I know this trick doesn't work on cats...they stubborn and independent and going to do whatever they want anyway).  I then popped her on her butt and then...I popped her on her nose...pretty hard.  I didn't mean to hit her as hard as I did and when she slunk away, I immediately regretted it, but continued to yell at her.  I cleaned up the mess, still angry, and as I was rinsing out the sponge and putting the cleaning spray away, remorse hit me like a "mo-fo". My heart started to hurt.  I went to the cat (who has re situated herself on the couch) sat on the floor in front of her and like an idiot, apologized.  I went to pet her and she flinched and this is where I lost it.  I just sat on the floor bawling my eyes out.  My heart hurt just knowing that I caused some distrust in this sweet cat that loves me unconditionally.  After about a minute of me crying, she starts to purr, leans over and licks a tear off my face.  Forgiveness, it really is a blessing.

Here's another just because I love her so:

OK second topic:

I don't know why I am about to waste my brainpower on writing about this, but I need to vent.  This is the catalyst I think for what happened in the first topic.  

I go to Walmart (wonders if a round of "oh here we go" is going around).  This isn't the first time I have ever said this, but it merits saying over and over.  WALMART HAS TERRIBLE THE ABSOLUTE WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

That being said, let's talk about what happened tonight.  I go around Walmart doing a little bit of grocery shopping.  First thing that annoyed me was that they were doing some MAJOR stocking (which is understandable considering tomorrow IS friday and EVERYONE gets paid Friday...everything they stock tonight will surely be gone by tomorrow!).  It wasn't the fact that they were stocking that annoyed me, it was the fact that all their pads of boxes were EVERY FREAKIN WHERE!!  You couldn't even walk down an aisle without having to lift the cart over boxes or press yourself against a shelf just to reach around a tower of boxes to get what you need.  I couldn't shop fast enough.  THANKFULLY the other half of the store wasn't 15 feet deep in boxes and I was able to get my contact solution and get out.

Here is what gets me though.  There are TONS of people in Walmart shopping...this was 11pm mind you.  They have 3 fast lanes (10 or less items) open and 2 (technically) regular lines open.  I have a good 25 items so I jump into a regular line with about 3 carts in front of me.  The people in front of me don't seem to have a lot to check out with and I'm wondering why the hell they didn't go down to the fast lane to check out, but oh well.  Maybe the line will move fast and I can get out.  OH...MY...GOD.  I shouldn't have thought that.  About 5 minutes after I get in line, I haven't moved maybe 2 inches and the girl turns her light off.  Well screw that! I was in line before she turned the light off, so she's GOING to check me out.  And I sit there watching her, moving....as.....slow....as.....possible.  She grabs and item, scans it and puts it in the bag like she's on break.  She keeps stopping to talk to this girl standing behind her.  She keeps leaning over after EVERY SINGLE ITEM she scans to see how many people are in line.  I, on the other hand, being 2 carts behind the current customers checking out, am making it no secret I am annoyed with having to wait already 10 minutes in this line.

I see two managers walking out talking to one another.  I see one manager go up to the girl, tells her something, and then walks over and helps some man with a cigarette purchase.  Then, manager gets on intercom and requests assistance at the front checkouts.  "Thank god!" I'm thinking.... WRONG!!!!

No one shows up.  Slow checkout girl FINALLY finishes with the people she's been ringing up for 10 minutes.  The people in front of me step forward, put their (maybe 10) items on the belt.  I start to grab one of those divider things and the girl turns around and just walks away....WALKS...AWAY!!!  She hasn't spoken to a single customer the whole time I have been standing in line and its obvious the whole time she's more concerned with leaving than doing her freakin job and she just walks away.  The people in front of me turn around and look at me and I'm getting pretty pissed.  And then, the manager comes over and jumps on the register. (Oh ok...he must have told her to leave once she finished with the previous customers...)
He rings them up and they go on their merry way.  He gets to me...doesn't greet me, doesn't even say a WORD to me the whole time, not even my total.  Just throws my stuff in bags....WAY too much stuff in a bag.  I'm having to rebag things because one bag had already broken.  And when he's done, he just kinda shoves my receipt at me and doesn't say thank you at all.
ME = EXTREMELY PISSED....

I snatch the receipt from him and stomp out. These people are lucky I didn't ram them with my shopping cart! Oh and speaking of shopping carts, the whole parking lot was full of them.  These idiots are even too lazy to get outside and clean up the cart mess.  Seriously...it was only 11pm.  There had to have been 1 person who could do that right?  Maybe they were all involved in the World War of Stocking in the grocery side...who knows.

As someone who has worked in retail, with the main focus in every job I have had being customer service...I certainly take offense when people are just downright rude and idiotic.  At one point I was thinking to myself that I wish I could secret shop Walmart, but then I took it back.  Every Walmart I have ever been in has had a SUPREME lack of customer service.  So I even decided against writing to Walmart (hell I could have even sent them a link to my blog...take that Wally World), because honestly, what good would it do.  When a person in a leadership position can't even display proper customer service...it isn't worth wasting my breath.
(But I love to write so yeah for readers who made it this far.  Thanks for reading at least)
So I blame you, employees of Walmart.  You brought out an evil side of me tonight and you were the catalyst to me hurting my pet.
*Gives Walmart the finger

Gorgeous

So, it's amazing outside now.  I'm loving all the sunshine and the warm weather!  It really is gorgeous...no clouds or anything.  I love seeing that blue sky (but I prefer it on the horizon of the ocean iykwim).  I haven't had too much on my mind to really write about lately.  Just stressing out a little over the job situation still.  I had an interview today for a leasing consultant position that I'd LOVE to get.  The interview didn't last but 20 minutes, but I felt pretty good about it.  They said they would be in contact by Friday if I make it to the next round.
Then there's the cafe.  I think Mom is pretty set on buying it.  So either way this week goes, in the end, things will work out and I won't have to be stuck at home every stinking day bored out of my mind.

I have been thinking lately of making a video just for the heck of it.  I'm in one of those weird moods I suppose. It will most likely be just random things, mostly music based.  I dunno yet. Check back to see the insanity (if it actually occurs).

I'll write more later when I have something interesting on my mind.  For now I'm kind of blank!  I welcome suggestions to write about though.